4am, storm Callum and Elvis arrived together – we had the rain all day, it stopped in the evening so in the dark it was just a wild, rampaging, uncontrollable wind that signalled the tumultuous arrival of both the lustful Elvis and the disastrous Callum. The latter awoke me initially, but quickly Phoebe's cries of unrequited love harmonised elegantly with the howling wind and I hurried downstairs to make sure she was OK. She was, she sat one side of the window and a foot away outside sat Elvis, stoic and immovable, as the wind tossed his champagne mane and tail around like golden spindrift above a stormy sea of passion and his dark smouldering eyes burned as he regarded the embattled damsel who was the object of his affections. Like a scene from Wuthering Heights the storm provided an perfect metaphor for these star-cross'd lovers, as Phoebe did her best Etta James version of 'aaaat laaast, my loooove has cooooome alooooong!' while Elvis's counterpoint rendition of 'Love maiow tender' was whisked away by the wayward wind. Still the occasional lip curl and the rhythmic tapping of his feet were enough to reduce Phoebe to a swoon. Enter Elsa, doing a topical basso profundo rendition of 'You ain't nuffin but a Hound Dog!' and racing at the glass in high dudgeon. I'm not sure whether it was the sight of my low-slung pyjamas, her incandescent anger – or the terrible noise she was making that sent him scuttling for the gate with a scornful lip curl and final flourish of his gyratory hips, but 'went' he did – but even I could hear the plaintive strains of 'Unstrained Malady' that carried wistfully on the wind to where his 'Teddy Bear' cried inconsolably in her Whiskas! Dave meantime is performing some dance moves of his own, well away from the glass, but still with his tail inflated to twice it's normal size. He's obviously intensely jealous and angered by the forward felines flirtatious overtures, "You'll be All Stuck Up if I get 'old of you, I'll dance all over your Blue Spayed Shoes an' your Mum will be singin' 'I jus' can't help bereavin'!' I've had enough!" and so saying he threw caution to the wind had darted at the glass. (Elvis was already long gone). He consoled his beloved Phoebe "He's just a weevil in disguise", he comes around here loitering at 'the Window of You' and singin' 'It's miaow or never!', I've had enough of his 'Gurning Love' and sent him packin'!" Phoebe wasn't consoled…….
